Readers Digest, the magazine for people who don't like to read

I rarely like a book I read. That either makes me shallow, impatient or ignorant, perhaps all three, I dunno. But my new found love for the "New Books" section in our local library has given me hope of liking more than say five books in all my days.
I love the book I'm reading now. I'm not going to recommend it unless you're very much like me (in that case, congratulations, you have excellent taste and are fun at parties!).
It's called the Clumsiest People in Europe Or, Mrs. Mortimer's Bad-Tempered Guide to the Victorian World
I could tell you about it, but I'm sure the people who get paid to tell you about books at Amazon.com will do a much better job.

It's bully!

the fashion stars have aligned for me

Most of us at one time or another have felt the manufacturers of women's clothing were designing for some other body type. No matter what shape you are, I've never met a woman who felt like her clothes fit right.

Me, I have a spoon shaped body.

My biggest problem actually is that everything larger than my waist, creeps up towards it. Usually my shirts ride up so that I look like white-trash-belly if I'm wearing pants (which are usually falling down). And the waist of my skirt will make it's way up to meet with my bra as I walk so that my hemline shortens by about 10 inches. If there's a slit in the skirt, you can bet that the world can see London and France.

In general, my spoon body has caussed me grief in the past:

When the trend was bodysuits, circa 1993, the onesies-for-women were like wearing one piece swimsuits that were too short, all day long. I hunch anyway, and the body suit made me slouch so far that I felt like I needed a walker.

When the trend was belly shirts, circa 1999, you'd think that would be good, because shirts are always too short on me. But no, they looked absurd. And I felt like a ho because more of my skin showed than other chicks'. Again, I felt the need to hunch so that my shirt went down further.

When the trend was low rise pants,circa 2003, yes yes, I know, lots of women had issues with them. If you have any extra flesh in the belt region, you look like a flabby fat back-butt. Two words: muffin top.

But now! It's the long shirt! Everywhere, long shirts! And gauchos!



Bless them.
I doubted the gauchos, I did. I was a dissenter. I remember getting weirded out in the 80's when my teacher appeared to be wearing a skirt but instead it was cleaved in the middle.
But this one girl I know wears these black stretchy gauchos all the time. And she has a big butt, but she looked so cute in them. That got me to thinkin', "I have a big butt too...Could I maybe? Dare I wear them?"
I went and bought a pair just like hers at Target. I tried them on tonight, and I love them! Me and my big butt love them. I'm a big fan of skirts to begin with. In fact, any of women that complain about your pants not fitting right, just buy skirts, it's way easier. And it's like a skirt that stays put like pants.
So tall women with big butts, (G-money I'm typin' to you, mama spoon), go out and enjoy the gaucho trend. And the long shirts, and slouch no more! It won't be long until the petites have the power in couture congress again and the fashion world will be under their control.

And my advice to you who have fought any trend that has come around since you were 15 years old: Don't fight them.
That's how old women end up with perm-ball haircuts, they fought the trends for the last 50 years.
(Now, don't be a fashion victim and restock your entire wardrobe every spring and fall, and please, please, pay no more than Ross or Target will sell it for.)

The bermuda shorts are next on my list to try! Finally, I can wear shorts and hide my thighs at the same time! Genius!

Baby Tuesday

Did you see that, mis amigos? I think it was a sea lion.... 

The LOVA in all it's swedish glory. 

The leaf is up! Was there ever a more fun yet stylish girl's room? 

When you've got plumbers in what used to be your kitchen during the day, it makes peaceful baby naps impossible. So we drove to the beach, so she could nap on the way there and the way back.


All covered but her feet. And yes they got sunburned. Darnit!!

In case you think NPR is all serious and depressing

This made me feel better. Do listen to it.

my first real Memorial Day

Maybe it's because we have HDTV cable and we watch alot of high def PBS lately.
Maybe it was watching Fog of War on Friday.
Maybe it's because I've fallen in love with National Public Radio.
Maybe it's because I'm more against the war in Iraq than ever.

But this Memorial Day really hit me. The deep sadness of so many soliders dying so that I could sit and watch TV and listen to the radio and publicly oppose a war, without fear and oppression.
I teared up more than once today thinking about it.
They were all someone's son or brother or father, and now they're daughters, sisters and mothers too. You hear that said all the time. But gosh, think of it, everyday people getting torn up like an R movie, not because they deserved it, but because they believed it was right.
Pat Tillman got so much attention for giving up his status and money to die for America but it pains me more to think of all the soliders that had nothing and the Army was their only hope at a better life. But it killed them.

(I know I'm an artist when my first answer to that conviction is to make a really good wreath.)

why must it be "on"?

I've considered writing this a few times before, but did not for fear of offending people. But my last post inspired me, and it's time it was said.

I'm exposing a misguided term of churchy people: "to love on"

Here, I'll use it in a sentence:

"We took the jr. high group to east L.A., had a carnival for the kids
and just loved on them."

I thought it was a southern thing, but I've found from living here, it's nationwide.
Why can't we just say "love"?
Why add the "on"?
It makes me think it's a different love. I can't find a verse in the Bible that speaks of "loving on your neighbor." I never hear it said "we loved on God" either.

The term makes me wince, it makes me think of uptight people trying to be nice to people they ordinarily wouldn't, with side-hugs and safe distances. Which is wrong.

So if you're reading this and you say love on, please just say love.
(And if you don't really mean "love" just say "we were nice to them.")
If you're not a Christian, and you hear someone say it, call 'em on it. :)

how I came to hand out cheez-its at bus stops

My husband and I host a "community group." In Christianese, community group means a few folks who all go to the same church that meet together every week and talk. Ours is specifically for "those outside the mainstream" i.e., not "churchy."
We got tired of talking about helping people and decided that every other week we'd go out and actually help people. We had lots of ideas and you'd think if 6 people wanted to go out and give their time once a week it would be a piece of cake.
It wasn't.
I checked online volunteer webboards, I called hospices, and of course our church. Bupkis.
Sure, they needed help during the day but all of us work during the day. Do needs stop at 5pm?
I was discouraged. I felt like a crappy leader. My leads had all gone to pot.

Then while at church on Sunday I had a realization: "Why the hell do we need a organization to tell us where to help? We can go commando!"

I thought back to the days of riding the bus. No one rides the bus because they have leisure time and extra money. You ride the bus because you're down and out, disinfranchised, or in need. You ride the bus to make ends meet. I remembered how much it sucked after a long day to sit at the busstop, tired and hungry, feeling forgotten. Bus riders need love, I thought.
So that was my plan-- snacks for the bus stop!
I don't think my group was crazy about the idea. But I had to go with it.
In the end, it was only the spouse and I who brought over 100 juices and bags of cheez-its to First St and Santa Clara Ave the crossroads of the VTA system.
I was nervous about it, "what if people are insulted?" I feared.

But it was a total success, all of our snacks were gone in about an hour. We chatted with people, and everyone was so nice. We said that they could take as much as they wanted and we saw them go to the other side of the street and share it with their friends. The cops came up and encouraged us, so did the VTA security guard.
It felt good not to have an agenda or rules.
Jesus was all about food. And that was what made it easy to be nice to people-- the food. When I used to walk downtown, I mean what do you say to a total stranger who looks down-and-out? But it was easy to strike up a conversation when you say "Hi! It's free, you want a drink? Take what you want."

It wouldn't have been as good if we were an organization, with matching shirts and a card table with our logo on it.

I stirred the pot!

Please read the discussion I started on the design lab:

No more t's as crosses!

springy faucets!

This will be our main sink faucet in the kitchen. While looking at one at a store on Sunday, a woman behind us said that it looks like something they'd use at a morgue. "Let's turn it on and rise off the body," she said. Now when I wash off chickens in the sink I'll feel like a medical examiner. :)


This will be our matching little morgue faucet for the little sink.

Let it be known that we bought them off of Ebay for almost half the price of anywhere else. Even IKEA.

Baby Tuesday

This is the way she rolls, lately. With the pacifier in, she can't put dirt clumps, grass, pieces of paper or any other carpet-bit she finds.



Her father took these and thought they were hilarious. (It's an IBC bottle.)



She loves rock-a-bye.

country fried steak, I love you anyway.

I was vacillating on what to order from Chili's ToGo tonight. I decided a calorie count would decide for me.
Oh man, I didn't want to know.
I went with the NY Strip Steak, although can I really trust a "New York" steak from a Texan restaurant in California?

nothing like a wool dress in 104 degrees

Did you know that there are Mennonites in Belize?
Yes, yes there are. They look sweaty. I mean, I don't have a problem with Mennonites, I think the way they live is pretty cool, but better suited to colder climates, don't ya' think?

I had a vision...maybe it was Utah

I like to browse Myspace for names. Like, I looked up our daughter's name before committing to it, to see how many people have it, where they live, are they hookers, y'know, that kind of thing. I sent messages to a couple of people with the next baby's name asking how they like the name, was it ever a problem. All said they loved it. :)
Anyway, I searched again for the bug's name on Myspace and I think I went through a timespace wormhole and found her in the future. Light thin brown hair, brown eyes, skinny. I'll be darned.

I think I come across like a mental case

Is this me as a man?

Let's have a show of hands-- who else hates watching him/herself on video?
Most people do. I'm not sure why other people don't like it, but I know why i don't like it:

It's because I want to believe I'm not a weirdo.

But I'm pretty sure I'm like Perry Farell when I talk. I didn't know I did weird stuff with my eyes until I saw myself on camera do it. It's totally involuntary, like a tick, I guess. (oh my gosh)
I met someone else that did it, and it didn't weird me out, but then again, I love myself, so anything I see of myself in others, I love. :)

And then, I can't look someone in the eyes when I talk. "Experts" say that means I'm lying and can't be trusted. Great. I've tried it, but when I look at someone I totally lose my train of thought, get distracted and think "they're making a face at me, is it because I'm making a face?, did I brush my teeth?, am I standing too close? etc..."

This is also why I can't have a mature conversation with anyone in person. I'm way better through email or chat. Yes, it's strange, but I'd like to think it makes me more like J.D. Salinger, right?

No?

the last suburbian in the US w/o NetFlix

I rented two movies on Friday (which I haven't returned yet and are now very late): King Kong and Paradise Now.
Unlike the overwhelming marketing that told me about King Kong, I had heard nothing about Paradise Now. I rented it because it had olive branch award medallions on the cover. It was really good. Very well filmed, really current story about Palestinian suicide bombers but not hypey. Just authentic storytelling. I give it 4 stars.

King Kong on the other hand was not as good. Starring Jack Black, directed by Peter Jackson, how could it be bad? It could be, and it was. Peter must be worn out from all that Lord of the Rings business to pay attention to what he's doing because that movie was like 3 hours of stampeding cows. Lots of action, not much purpose. 2 stars.

I saw RV in the theater last week as well. I know some of you can no longer be my friend because I paid full price to see a poorly reviewed Robin Williams movie. But I liked it. The way one likes a kid movie. I wanted to be entertained with the predictable plotlines, generalized sterotypes and a big green recreational vehicle. Mission accomplished. 2.5 stars, because it Robin's family was annoying.

Baby Tuesday

My first Mother's Day and you'd think I'd have more photos. I do have flowers and chocolate, and that's what matters. :)



I let her indulge her curiousities in pretty much anything that isn't infested or sharp. The tupperware, the books in the bookcase, dogfood box, and in this case, my ribbon stockpile.

ambush mom-over

My mother-in-law got ambushed on Mother's Day. Well, I did have to tell her we were doing something at 2pm, because like her son, she gets thrown off if there isn't some prior notice.
It's not easy to find a salon open on Sundays, much less Mother's Day, but I rooted one out after some effort.
Sue had never had her hair colored, ever. Plus, her husband put the crackdown on her regular hair budget. I had to intervene!


Here's a before photo.

I thought the foils would send her into a nervous breakdown but she stuck with it like a trooper.



Mr Mediterrian stylist insisted on taking the reins, and I was fine with letting him actualize his vision. What do I know anyway?


Looks painful, doesn't it? Pushing boundaries hurts. :)


Ta da!