Fig. 1.
Toyota Corolla, public enemy #1. Be afraid! 

Explaination upon request.

I think it was Kevin who asked me to blog about the concept of the "tan sedan."
I developed this theory shortly after I moved to the [Silicon] Valley. It is as follows:
tan se·dan n.
1. Any beige, tan, biscuit, brownish, buff, coffee, drab, ecru, gold, khaki, sand, or tawny colored foreign 4-door vehicle, often driven by a non-caucasian person, that is exteremely dangerous and should be avoided on roads and parking lots at all times.
Note: Not all non-caucasians are dangerous drivers. Only when behind the wheel of a tan sedan are they hazardous to public safety.
See Fig. 1 and Fig 2 If you find your self with a view like Fig 2 in real life, get away as fast as you can. They show no mercy.

If you think I'm just making this up, just watch and you'll see I'm on to something. Especially if you live around here. When someone rides your butt-- tan sedan. When someone swerves into your lane-- tan sedan. No blinker?-- tan sedan!
I'm also not saying that there aren't other sterotypes that are bad drivers. Any of the manhood-compensator trucks, as I like to call them, are also bad. But I think they're bad on purpose. They usually seem like they have unresolved anger issues that manifest in tailgating and peeling out around little girls in honda civics like me. "Yes, I see. You're the bad-ass. Good for you."
And anyone who drives a Volvo is also to be feared. Volvos are famously safe, so I believe that people who buy them know that they are horrible drivers. Kevin reminded me of this when I wanted to get one. And I'll be honest, I fit in that category. I drive like a granma and my reflexes suck.
But I verily I say to you: beware of the tan sedan!

"Let's hear it for the boy!"

Kevin's such a pumpkin for painting the baby's room today (and last night for that matter). I could only do paint prep, like taping, because I'm not supposed to breathe the fumes.
As you can see we have a nice "Marmalade" color on 3 walls, and "Electric Pink" on the fourth/feature wall. In the foreground, please note the $50 crib and the free twin bed. Okay the yellow bed was mine for about a year before we got married, I bought it of of craigslist. But, the cool thing about it, other than being free, is that the girl said her grandfather made it. It's like-- almost sentimental. 

Yay for Kevin! 

I haven't had much luck with bums.

Having lived in Santa Cruz for 3 years, I got alot of bum exposure, and I don't mean the full monty kind either. I mean the c-c-c-crazy kind, or the decided to reject modern society kind. Anyway, in Santa Cruz they're everywhere. I learned from someone on the "inside," that is, someone who worked with the homeless and shelters, that in S.C. at least, that there is always somewhere they can sleep at night, and get a meal, the programs are very generous. So he said, to not ever give them money.
I did a few times, and they usually ended badly. In particular, it seems I paid for some guy's sexual favor (aaaa!!) because right after I gave him the cash I had on me, he and another guy followed each other into a downtown port-a-potty. Another time, I gave this crazy woman all the cash I had, that was supposed to pay for my food for the rest of the week and then she proceded to ask for more and then get hostile.
Like I said, it never goes well for me.
So I don't know why I thought today would be any different. I guess because it's San Jose, not Santa Cruz, and I don't know how good the shelters are here, I dunno. I drive up to a stoplight where there is usually a guy with a cardboard sign (not always the same guy, I guess they rotate, or rock paper scissors for the spot). I keep little Jack in Box bucks in my glove box so I can give those instead of money. I handed the guy some of those and two dollars. He was very nice and apreciative, he even made polite conversation with me-- right before his cell phone rang! That's right, cell phone, the cardboard sign guy on the highway offramp, had to take a call.
C'mon, at least put in on vibrate to make the whole thing more convincing.
Oh well. It doesn't really matter to me how bad he needed what I gave him. But I did think, "gosh, I guess even homeless people are better about answering their phones than I am."

ok now it's real

Summer arrived today for me. I had to drive my car just now, which I had forgotten to move into the garage so it wouldn't sit in the sun all day. So yes, it sat in the sun all day and it was absolutely equitorial inside it by 5pm.
I had the T-shirt on the steering wheel like an oven mit as I drove, and it even burned my hands through that. My make-up bag was like the dressing section at a salad bar. I worried for my CD's. I try to take the little binder of them out of the car the night before if I think they might get a cookin', but like I said I forgot alot of things. I've warped many a CD that way. It wasn't hot enough to melt the LCD clock in my dash like it was with my Honda in Dallas in high school. I kept socks on hand for steering wheel mits then. (The sunroof didn't have a cover, that didn't help.)
Now I'm at home with a headache from the heat and glare of of the other cars, (does that bother anyone else?) eating pickles out of the jar.
And for those of you who haven't spent time in the summer in someone's *house* in California, I must let you in on a little insanity: Almost no one has A/C. Like, they're in denial that it ever gets hot here. Nevermind that the businesses all have A/C. School and homes, nope. News flash- it gets hot. And also in breaking news, it also gets cold, and most houses only have wall heaters. Um, how is a giant toaster supposed to warm the whole house. It doesn't. People are surprised when I complain about being hot saying "I thought you're from Texas." And I reply "yeah, we have a thing called air conditioning and it's everywhere, even outside sometimes."
Point of all that: I'm hot.

Two totally unrelated things

#1. I finally got a DVD of my Easter performance and we're working on getting into the right format to put it online for everyone to see.
#2. If you don't watch Extreme Home Makeover, you need to! I bawl like a baby everytime it's on TV. It combines my favorite things: philatropy and design. It's on right now and they're bulding a new home for the family of the first woman to die in combat in Iraq. Wait, it gets more poignant, her parents live on a poor Navajo reservation and take care of her kids in a trailer. Hello! Frickin' awesome!

Element

Kevin and I have semi-decided that when we buy a new car, we would like it to be a Honda Element.
We don't know when this would be, probably when one of our cars dies.
But it's cheap and has good safety ratings (and that's mostly what I look for in a car), plus you can hose down the inside and it's muy handy. (and it's not a mini van! and it's got good gas milage).

Ow!

I just got stung by a wasp! At least I think it was a wasp, it looked something like this.
I've never been stung by a wasp or a bee (I didn't get out much as a kid, Aurora can back me up on that), so I stared at my foot to see it would puff up. It didn't, I guess I'm not allergic.
I have it elevated, in the most un-lady-like pose, right now as I type this.
Stupid wasp, why did you have to get all mad when I stepped on you?

It had been far too long without a photo! (corbis? what corbis?) 

Registry Time!

I do feel a little guilty because it was only last summer that I was making my wedding registry, and now I'm making a baby registry. Sorry folks.
My New Baby Registry
I'm still tweaking the details, like the font and the colors and layout.
But it works! Feel free to browse.

addicting for those who think the world is out to get them

Not only because I'm a prego, but also because I like products that are nice to me
You have to really look at why they score high or low though. I'm starting to think the hippies are the only ones avoiding killer chemicals, because they don't use any products. I mean, poor ol' earth-lovin Burt's Bees even scores high in a lot of categories.
I just looked for phthalate esters and aluminum compounds, those are the only chemicals that I'm more or less convinced are really bad.

Valu-Pak-- extra savings inside

Stuff's been happening so a quality post is in order. Plus, it's only 9am and I've run out of things to do at work.
I've got the sugar-sleepies thanks to a cherry cheese streudel from Noah's. I've you've never had one, have one, but you'll have to avoid operating heavy machinery because it will knock you out like NyQuil. The loss of motor skills is worth it though. I had other food for breakfast too, but I won't lie to you, the strudel was the star of the show.
In case you hadn't read my sister's blog, she's pregnant too. How bout that? If you're a man and you're reading this, you probably have begun skimming. But if you're a woman, you're thinking "oh my gosh!" And now I have the overriding guilt that we don't live closer to each other. Well whatcha gonna do, I guess.
We got a crib on monday night (men, just keep skimming). "We" was Allison, and her handy SUV, as well as Carrie, my friend from Dallas that popped into town for a couple of days. I participated very little in the whole operation, other than paying for it (Allison's reading this and thinking, 'yeah and you also tried to make me wreck my car!'). They loaded it in, Allison drove it over, and Carrie put it together. The only entertaining thing about the crib purchase is that it's used and I was warned in the craigslist ad that it had "teething marks." That kid musta been a little beaver because it the top edges look like they had a dremel once over.
Back to Carrie-- She's very organized, all of her family is-- they've got 6 kids, but I didn't realize how unorganized I was until she came and helped me out. Sorry, future baby, there doesn't seem to be much hope for you to be organized either, Kevin and I are not role models in that department. Good thing she's the law student and I'm the soon to be unemployed la-la-art-teacher.

it was way clearer and bluer than this photo, but this was the only one I could find online of "Surfers Beach" Look at those waves, who could surf on that? 

beach dogs

I'm still not sure if they actually liked it, but we took the 'woggies' to the beach today. They had never actually been on the beach. I've taken them on a couple of car rides to look at the beach, but this was the first paw-on-sand experience for them. It was indeed a lovely day and the beach we went to was good for dogs (and one of the few that allows them) because the waves are puny.
Anyway, I think it freaked them out a little, but anytime they get to run around and sniff new stinky things, they're happy. I did trick them into the path of an approaching wave a couple of times-- the water was pretty dang cold, and I liked to watch their reaction.
Mojito menaced the beach a bit. He accosted a woman laying on a towel at full speed and began licking her ear. She, as I would have done, swatted him away, and he came running back to me proudly. I also noticed him doing the move which I call "breakdance" (rolling over and rubbing his back on the ground) a few yards away. He kept doing it, and worried that he might be breakdancing in some other dogs's poop, I went over to investigate. It was a dead crab, a big fatty too. I don't get dogs.

I'm slightly more famous

pictures of me in action, no not the Will Ferrel post, the one below that.
Sorry, no obligatory belly shots, for those of you who have asked for them. I am however, wearing a completely ridiculous tube top.

Captain, the hormones are firing! Sheilds up!

I was shopping today and I wandered into the baby section, because there was a sale. (people, 50% off everything, it was sweet!) At the bootie rack,I cracked. A pair of little red mary janes made me get choked up. (plus they were only two dollars, so you bet I bought them!)
And the dogs-- I'm getting all maternal with them. They have never seemed so unbelievably cute before and I think about them during the day when I'm away.
What is going on with me?!

another frame of interest

I was sitting at a stoplight on the "Larry" Expressway, and in front of me was a mid 90's Toyota Tercel with bubbling home-job window tint. Its license plate frame said in engraved lettering: "Madly In Love-- Deeply in Dept."
Shows what I know, I thought it was spelled d-e-b-t.
Maybe it was like a free prize in the window tint kit.

The price is wrong, bi... wait no, I love you Bob

In just a few weeks, it could be me and Bob.

 
I just got back from the dentist, with my Carl's Jr. Famous Star with chesse (mmmm) and I switched on TV to keep me company while I eat. The tail end of the Price is Right was on, and then it came to me.
I could go on the Price Is Right! Me! I could, I'm an adult, living in California, and I have a weird name, what am I waiting for?
I've had this theory since I was a kid that they call people to "come on down" who have odd names. And that if I ever got the chance, I was sure to be called!
I already requested 3 tickets for June 6th (because there's a good chance I'll have that day off of work). I ordered one for Kevin's friend who lives down there, I guess I should ask him, ha.

I was comissioned to do this for church...get it? yeah I know, it's cheezy. 

It could have been inferred...

...that I don't like phones.
I feel the need to be clear about this so no one takes my phone-avoidance personally. But I do avoid them, and if you've ever called me, you might have picked up on this.
I heard once at a seminar from a very successful business man the following quote: "If you don't want to be found, you don't have to be." (He was talking about taking after hour phone calls) I like to think that justifies my behavior.
I just looked over at my home answering machine and it was literally blinking "50," as in 50 messages. Yep, 50. Once it got over 10, I stopped checking. I'm just being honest here. So if any of those were yours, sorry bout that.
I just turned the machine to "Answer Off."
My voice mail gets checked about 3 times a week, sometimes twice.
I of course get the reaction "why do you even have a cell phone?"
Here's why:
If I need to ask Kevin what we need while I'm at the grocery store.
If I'm going to be late somewhere.
If I need to call for directions while on the way to somewhere.

Once again, this should not be taken personally. My apologies, but that's me.
FYI, Kevin doesn't check messages either, so we have an understanding. Peas in a pod, we are.

hot diggity dog!

I got it! Does a high chair get any cooler than that?

Pre-Mother's Day Nugget

Kevin and I were walking in a parking lot back to our cars and we saw a personalized plate that said "OEDIPUS." Let me catch you before you start pondering why someone would pay to have that on their car-- it was framed with the words "I *heart* my mother".
Um...

good heavens

I received an email today from one Cunera Bushbury of Cunera155@fhndgermse.powernolimits.net.

I truly hope no woman actually has that name.

And Miss Bushbury, if that is your real name, I don't believe you that your "work from home" jobs are "legal and profitable."

So there.

"you are not a warrior, you are just a little gerken!"

Enough with the weirdness of yesterday! Today is a new day and I shall post.
Everyone knows the cliche of pickles and ice cream cravings. Everyone also likes to ask me about my cravings. It's just chocolate right now (Kevin just doesn't understand why I need so many brownies). But I was at the store yesterday and was in the pickle aisle, so I bought some just in case. I'm at home for lunch right now, and I didn't want to cook something just yet so I pulled out the pickle jar and ate one...
then another...
and another...
I think I've eaten 6 in the last ten minutes. They're German, maybe that has something to do with it. Or that they happen to taste just like a cucumber version of salt and vinegar potato chips, which are irresistible themselves.
Either way my sodium is through the roof now, so I'll exercise self control and put them back...just one more...

his comment shoud have its own space

This gentleman posted this comment to my last post, but I thought it more appropriate to put it out here on it own. (I'm all about appropriate):

"You have a riveting web log and undoubtedly
must have atypical & quiescent potential for
your intended readership. May I suggest that
you do everything in your power to honor
your Designer/Architect as well as your audience.
Please remember to never restrict anyone's
opportunities for ascertaining uninterrupted
existence for their quintessence.

Best wishes for continued ascendancy,
Howdy
Editor

'Thought & Humor'
Cyber-Humor & Cyber-Thought
http://ilovehowdy.blogspot.com/
Harvard Humor Club
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Harvard_Humor_Club/"

I know, I know, we're all thinking "hello thesaurus."
I think what he means to say is "you should give more attention to God in your blog." Fair enough. I do think about blogging about my whole meaning for living, but frankly it's not that entertaining, so I don't. Lots of things happen in my life that I don't post about. But to be fair on this post, I'll share a few morsels about it:
I accepted Chirst as my savior in 1990. I made the decision on my own, and I didn't grow up in a "church home." I was baptized at age 17 at Fellowship Bible Church of Dallas, a church which I also chose on my own (the reason I explain that is because many non-christians think we're all brainwashed conformers that don't think.) I have been to Mexico twice to help build homes and churches in the name of Christ, and two years ago I went to Togo, Africa to help with Christian humanitarian efforts there. I now attend Westgate Church in San Jose (see link on side), which is another non-denominational Christian church. All of this is just the tangible stuff of my faith that I offer up because I like illustrations and what real faith is about isn't really visible. It's hardly explainable. But the bottom line is, Christ is the only way possible for us to be together with God-- in a limited sense here on earth, and eternally after this life is over. God designed it that way. It's the only thing I can say *I know.*
It's so much more multi-faceted than that. But I'll leave it there.

(now I'm starting to doubt my interpretation of that guy's comment, maybe he was talking about something totally different, oh well.)

when you think of Mother's Day

According to mass advertising, the appropriate gifts for your mom on mother's day are:
-flowers
-doodads or chachskies that come from Hallmark and say "mom"
-really mushy cards that fold out into like 4 panels of poetry

But I'd like to share what I sent *my* mom for mother's day:
-3 pairs of "Texas Hold 'Em" underwear
-A card "from the dog" that basicly says "sorry no flowers, how about some fertilizer?"

And you know what? She'll love it. May my daughter be as clever as I am. ;)

Okay, here they are

This is what he usually looks like, minus glasses. 

Due to Allison's references, I must give you the comparison...Kevin... 

Rhett. 

aurora's meme

So apparently I'm obligated to do this meme. Alright, you twisted my arm:

If I could be a chef, I would make so much pie. Pie pie pie. I'd be like the Pie Man, but sans the evil mustache. The only savory exception would be the chicken-pot variety, that I've come to appreciate thanks to Kevin. And speaking of Kevin, I am certain, that if I were a pie chef, Kevin's family would still think that he secretly made the pie, and that I am incompetent to do so.

If I could be a librarian, no one would like my library but me. I would take out all the engineering books, vietnamese comic books, and harlequin romances(this includes the Danielle Steele type novels that line checkout stands). I would also make sure no book by Bishop Spong, Dan Brown or Thomas Huxley would ever be found on my shelves. Oh and knowing me, there would be more books on the to-be-shelved carts than on the actual shelves.

If I could be a llama rider, (I can't believe someone other than me or Daniel would incorporate llamas into a meme) I would probably smell bad. Especially my pants, they would smell like sweaty llamas. But I bet we wouldnt have to mow the lawn or pay as much for gas. I would also make the llama wear funny hats. I don't have a reason, and I shouldn't have to. It's my llama fantasy.

If I could be an architect, I would design stuff like Gaudi. His buildings look like they are made from food. (Don't eat them! You'll get in trouble with el policia)

If I could be an inn-keeper, I would want my inn to be tacky, like the Madonna Inn, in which every room is designed differently and decorated like Disney meets an old west saloon. Oh and gentlemen, inside the bathroom in the lounge, there's a waterfall urinal. Yes, that's right, a motion sensored, landscaped waterfall. (Obviously, I had to do recon, but I wouldn't be the first girl who peeked in.) That's the kind of creative thinking I appreciate.

This is the list I chose from, FYI:
Choose your poison...
If I could be a scientist
If I could be a farmer
If I could be a musician
If I could be a doctor
If I could be a painter
If I could be a gardener
If I could be a missionary
If I could be a chef
If I could be an architect
If I could be a linguist
If I could be a psychologist
If I could be a librarian
If I could be an athlete
If I could be a lawyer
If I could be an inn-keeper
If I could be a professor
If I could be a writer
If I could be a llama-rider
If I could be a bonnie pirate
If I could be an astronaut
If I could be a world famous blogger
If I could be a justice on any one court in the world
If I could be married to any current famous political figure

You're supposed to pick out 5 and nd it to 2 other bloggers. Eh, I ain't sendin' it.