baby butt update

(Proceed with caution, this story isn't all that entertaining)

Last night the babies' butts were as raw as if they had slid down a rope without their diapers, so I called the dermatologist's office again and said "can I come in today?"
She scheduled me for 3:15, it was all she had open, so I took it.
"3:15, right in prime napping time, this is gonna get nutz," I thought to myself.

I had to leave the house at 2:30PM to get there at 3PM because we were new patients. It would be another 2.5 hours before anyone ate or had their diaper changed* again.
As I was pulling them out of the car, I realized that, though I had brought extra diapers and wipes, I hadn't brought any snacks or toys/activities.

The deck was now officially stacked against me.

The very accommodating receptionist had mentioned something yesterday about the doctor going on vacation for 5 weeks very soon. And when I saw the waiting room, I could tell that people were all rushing in for their botox, collagen injections and cellulite treatments before his long sabbatical.
Most of these people were not baby-friendly or, "part of the Club." I felt like Ellie Mae and her hound dogs walking into Mr. Dreysdale's Beverly Hills Bank.

On top of that, we had to wait over an hour to be put in a room and another 20 mins while in the room.
They staged a full revolt.
Lots and lots and lots of crying.
Baby C's butt was almost all better, but Baby R's was tragically raw. Despite my inner voice screaming "go! run! take your babies and get out of this place!" I stuck it out for my little shmoopie boy.

I made an airplane out of a botox** advertisement.
I blew up an exam glove into a balloon-udder.
They would not be soothed.

Finally the doctor came in, and at least he was worth the wait. He dispelled the eczema diagnosis, and said the problem was erosional diaper rash due to too much alkaline stuff in the diet (they have sensitive little booties).
He prescribed some stuff (which I was thankful for, because I feared that I would have endured two hours of mega stress only to hear "use diaper cream, goodbye.")

Upon exiting he commented that he understands the problems I have, he raised 11 children. That's the kind of guy I trust when it comes to diaper rash.

Once we were home and peace was restored, I looked up the Alkaline vs. Acidic foods and yes, it all made sense.
(I knew about grapes and pineapple, but I didn't realize the kiwis and pears were no-no's.)

Also, he suggested when I do use paper diapers, I should stick to my chlorine free ones. (And despite what some might think, cloth diapers aren't the culprit.)
And when I bathe them, I should use the most mildest mildest soap I can find. Because many baby soaps are formulated like "detergents" meaning strong enough to clean skin without rubbing with a sponge.

Anyway, the potty training agenda has been stepped up. Because when Baby C's potty trained, she can eat grapes with a side of raisins and a pineapple grape cocktail, and it won't matter anymore.
But poor Baby R's gonna be eating alot of Cream of Wheat and prunes for the next 18 months.


*Actually Baby R pooped 30 minutes into our stint in the waiting room, which meant I had to change his diaper in the bathroom, on the floor, while Baby C crawled around on her hands and knees and picked up every nasty thing she could find on the floor of the bathroom.

**ok, it wasn't botox, it was something else. I learned that there are many many products for people who want "wrinkle correction."...correction, like God made a mistake and we aren't supposed to have wrinkles, ever.