listen carefully and you'll hear the little cries for help

I know it's vogue these days to do make-overs. Make over your living room, your husband, your struggling cabbage farm, whatever. But I've had a passion for making over people that began long before the reality TV craze. (I do love makeover shows, have I mentioned that? 'love 'em!)
I want to do it on my own, but I can't figure out how to do it.
Take a guy like this:

(yes this man really exists, I found him on MySpace.)
He needs help.
Big time.
I just know if I could get my hands on him I could be his Carson, Thom, Jai, Ted and Kyan all wrapped up in one straight girl.
But the problem is, a makover involves an initial insult. Like: "Hey, wow you're a total mess, let me help you, you lost sheep."
And people think they don't need help. Until they get it!! And then they get it.
And to top it off, I would do it for free. It would be like my own ministry to humanity.
Now the guy above is an extreme case. In fact, he's the most extreme case I have ever seen in my life. But I could help minor problems too.

So please, readers, uh...local readers. If you need help or know someone who does, email me! I will help for free!!
Here's a checklist:
Does your a) wife b) husband c) friend d) coworker e)self wear one or more of the following:
-oversized, outdated sweaters or sweatshirts?
-T-shirts that s/he received for free from a conference or event?
-socks with sandals?
-reeboks?
-keds?
-leggings?
-pleated pants?
-nothing but white tube socks?
-"arena rock" hair?
-high pants?
-bad bangs?
-holiday sweaters?
-a perm?

If you answered yes and you've already gotten over the shock of answering yes, then we need to talk.
Reach out to me!!
Because I can turn that guy into this: