this trumps the JW guilt, 3 fold

I volunteer at our church doing what I call "directing." I control everything that goes up on our big screen, the lights and the videos. (They call it "computer," whatever.)
Anyway, it's important.
It's a little stressful too. Like if I screw up a slide on the screen the music leader forgets the lyrics and embarrasses himself it's my fault. And if the speaker is referencing an image and I can't find it, then he'll be like "there's SUPPOSED to be a map of Jordan" and looks at me expectantly until I get it.
But I love doing it, even though it's stressful it's fun.
Occasionally I would have nightmares that I just totally would forget to go. And wake up and think "whew, it's okay, it's not my week this week."

But.
Yesterday...

TOTALLY FORGOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This may not seem like a big deal to the readers of this blog, but I feel like I just ran someone over with my car and killed them! That's the guilt level I have.
I not only feel completely horribly guilty, but I'm so embarrassed. I'm the youngest person who volunteers in the techincal stuff. I already feel like a dumb little girl to begin with, and now this. Totally blew it.

I realized it at 11am, after two of the three services had already happened. Adrenaline rushed, panic set in.
I was holding Cricket, knowing that I couldn't even show up for the third service because Kevin wouldn't be home for a few hours to watch her.
I called and groveled and apologized to 2 of the like 10 people I affected, on their voice mail. That barely put a dent in my guilt.

This is how it happened, aka My sorry excuses for ruining church:
We've been doing constructin so our house is all disorganized. Normally I have the schedule on the front of the fridge, but since it was in the dining room and the baby can get to the papers on the front I put it elsewhere. Elsewhere where I didn't look at it.
And normally they would have called me (which they did, 6 times!) but my cell phone was off. I turned it off Saturday night because it was beeping the "charge me" beep, and I was so irritated with other things that night that I was just like "shut up phone, I don't know where the charger is, I'm just going to turn you off."

Uggghh!!!!

So yes, I still feel terrible. I can't shake it.

There's an email in my inbox from the guy who's in charge of everything, one of the ones I begged forgiveness from on his voice mail.

I haven't opened it. I'm scared to.

So, now I'll go open it and read it. And then I'll paste it in here...

...alright I'm feeling better, here's the email:

Wow…that was the finest piece of ‘groveling’ I think I’ve heard in a long time! Thanks for your voicemail. Yeah, we missed you this morning. I was able to call Dawnette and she rolled in just in time for the 1st service and covered the morning. Don’t feel bad..you aren’t the first person on our team that’s ever had that happen. I actually thought I had messed up somehow and was even more confused when I saw Kevin walk in to the first service. I’ll look for a time when you might be able to sub for her.

Don’t fret over it…erh…uh…just don’t let it happen again or I’ll be forced to give you a considerable cut in financial remuneration or make you pay some kind of video tech penance.

God bless Dawnette.