never have I been so picky UPDATED

Soon I will be a mother of two, and for the time being, or at least until the stretch marks fade, I've decided I should get a one piece swimsuit.
(yes I know it's February, but I'm already planning summer vacation)

The last time I wore a one-piece was in 8th grade. And even though I was 13, it was still too short for me. 'Like wearing suspenders that are too tight. Not comfy.

When the "tankini" came out, I wanted one. But once I tried them on, I realized it might as well be a bikini because the two pieces were miles away from one another.

So since then, no matter how much I didn't want people to see that much of me, it was either wear my clothes in the pool or wear bikinis.

But like I said, now I gotta figure something out. And I have discovered that swimwear does come in "long torso." Check. (Though that term sounds like a symptom of a genetic defect or something.)

So I searched for long suits, and what do I find?
They come in two styles:


flowery behemoth

or


go Team USA

Or sometimes I'll find one I like and find out that's it only comes in plus size.
Like this one! Why can't I have this one in anything smaller than an 18W?


I pout.
And then I think "maybe I can tailor it" and then see the price is $89.00. I can't think of a time I spent 89 bucks on any piece of clothing. My max is $45.00 people!


So let's review my criteria:

1. Long
2. Not big bad flowery
3. Not sporty spice
4. Less than $50
5. Sized somewhere between 8 and 14


The outlook is bleak. Good thing I have 5 more months.


UPDATE:

Thank you for everyone's help. I did check out LandsEnd but there wasn't one I was so happy with that I'd buy without trying it on. But lo and behold Spiegel still exists! Did you know that? I didn't.
I found one that met all but one requirement for me, and bought it...in February.


There, that doesn't look like a mom-suit does it?
30 bucks.