Tuesday, February 13, 2007

a papery sugary mess

First, I must sheepishly tell you that I cannot find the camera (NOT
GOOD) so Baby Tuesday will be postponed until I find it. I'm not
freaking out yet, because the house is a mess and when I clean it, I'm hopeful that I will find it then.

In the meantime, I have a commentary on Valentines Day.

I offer the question, who is Valentines Day for?

Obviously the real rational answer is corporations that sell Valentines crap. But let's discuss beyond that.

People who are single think it's for people who have "companions."

But when you're dating someone, there's this fear of doing anything special for Feb 14th.
Like, you might as well be proposing marriage if you acknowledge the
day to a woman.
I will say if you are dating a man, V day is a test of the man's creative and planning skills.
My husband has struck out as many times as he's hit the ball, and I do remember getting really mad at him on 2/14/04 when he did not propose nor did he plan anything at all. Like he was doing so out of spite!
I remember a telephoned exchange of words like this:
"...Well what do you want?"
"Something big and shiny!!..."

Back to the single people. V Day makes single people really bitter. As if us occupied people spend the day dancing happy jigs and kissing in public.
We don't.
Some bitter women felt so oppressed by Hallmark and Whitman's Chocolates that they wrote the Vagina Monologues and perform it nationwide on Feb 14th. Geesh, who needs that?

Now married couples. I'm sure there are those couples out there that are really cute and fun and plan great exciting events for themselves every year.
But here's the problem, husbands as a whole think Valentines Day sucks. They love their wives, but they hate the obligation.
Women love it. I mean even I love flowers and not cooking, the color red,
hearts, etc. But I know that my husband is dragging his heels at the
whole concept, so what's the point?
It's like when your mom forces you to say sorry and hug your brother.

Now, children and Valentines Day. We all made our shoeboxes in school covered them with foil and pink copy paper hearts and democratically gave a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle card to everyone one in the class. Even the boy with psoriasis and the boy that never stopped picking his nose.
That's what you had to do. I remember reading the messages on my cards before cramming them in the little Zig-Zag envelopes and thinking "I don't love Michael Fadner. I don't even think Eizabeth Brinkley is sweet. So why do I let the Turtles tell them I do?"
And let's face it, we didn't care who put cards in our shoeboxes unless they were a) sparkley b) had a sticker c) had candy. Candy is the bottom line for kids and V Day. We didn't care about love....Okay, I'll admit it, I was an overly fantastical little girl and I secretly hoped the little boys in my classes were in love with me. But I'm sure I'm the exception. And more important to my point is, no little boys love little girls.
That's a fact, you can look it up.

And can we talk about the stuffed animal thing?
The rest of the year, do grown women want stuffed animals?
So why do they sell them and make men think that we do?
People, unless your "sweetheart" is under the age of 12, no plush bears please.

So again I ask who is Valentines Day for?
By my calculations, it is for the small percentage of dating couples who have been dating a short time but not so short that they haven't said "I love you."
And for secret admirers.
And florists and chocolatiers.

And cats, apparently.

btw, those in the Golden State will be privy to know that Trader Joes has the coolest and cheapest roses right now. If I didn't think I was going to get in trouble for buying them for myself, I would have bought them for myself.


Anonymous said...

Oh man--I had totally forgotten about Michael Fadner and Elizabeth Brinkley. Wow. Thank you for that. :-) I do remember Peter McNulty giving me a necklace that I was pretty sure he stole from his mom. Such a mom's necklace--big and baubly and goldish--but maybe it is the thought that counts? Especially in third grade?


Charlie said...

Peter gave you a necklace!?!?
I'm totally jealous of you now. :D

I fear that Elizabeth Brinkley will find this page and be sad.

G$ said...

Go and buy yourself those Trader Joe flowers. If you don't, who will? After 7 years, Rich & I might "toss" a card each others' way. Cupid draw back your bow!